Dating Services - Beware!


When I arrived at work today, the first question posed to me by Tootsie was, "Why are the dating services after me and the men aren't?" Her answer, "Because I look good on paper and not in person!" Now, if you ever met Tootsie, you would see that clearly this is not the case. But, let's take a minute to analyze dating services and the reason why I personally DO NOT believe in them.

My experiences started out with let's call it "Wonderful Expectations", a nationwide dating service that is frequently advertised here in Dallas. Why I turned to a dating service to begin with needs to be addressed. You see, I had just moved to Dallas and had just ended my relationship with Albster. I knew no one here, and my apartment complex was composed of all gay men. Needless to say, I was sitting at home one night doing computer searches for single men in Dallas and lo and behold "Wonderful Expectations" appeared on my computer screen.

I went for the prerequisite "orientation" that following Saturday morning where I was met by a used car salesman disguised as a matchmaker. After picking 3 gentlemen (a lawyer, an investment banker, and a physician) which she felt were representative of their clientele, she then tried to sign me up. The cost to me was a whopping $4000, but if I signed up today then it would be a mere $3000. I reiterated to her that I was in fact a medical student and thus was living off of government loans. I hardly think the American taxpayers would appreciate me putting their funds towards dating. She said that she would make an exception and that she could drop the price to $2500. Again, my financial situation was repeated. She left to speak to her manager and returned informing me that they could make another exception for a student and reduce the price to $2000, but that if I walked out of the office they would have to increase the price back to the original $4000. I pointed out the fact that they had just cut the price by 50% and that I hardly believed they would raise the price up again because I wanted to be a wise consumer. I again said no. The price was lowered several more times and finally the manager said, "What would you be willing to pay?" Apparently, the men in their service were looking for attractive, never married with no children, educated, successful, golf-loving women like myself. My answer to him, "$99 and that must include all my pictures!" I still amaze myself that I was able to talk them down from $4000 to $99 with an included photo shoot! My dating adventures there consisted of 3 dates and imagine this.....two of them (Mr. Vice President and Mr. Attorney) made my list of memorable dates! I'm glad I only paid what I did for that service, because I was gone in 2 months!

As funny as that story might be, the addendum is even more hilarious. Roger Hayes and I were out with a group of friends and one of the women commented on the fact that she had joined "Wonderful Expectations". When asked how much it cost, she proudly informed the group that she was able to talk them down to $2000. Roger and I immediately laughed and looked at each other. Of course this elicited a response from the group and Roger replied, "Dr. Trouble talked them down to $99!"

Tootsie has also had a dreadful experience. Let's call this service "It's Just A Snack". Let me preface this by saying I had warned her about these vultures and had suggested that for $1500 we could have a hell of a time meeting some men out on the town. She obviously didn't heed my advice. She went to their office also for the prerequisite "interview" (i.e. to make sure she didn't have hair growing from her chin and evil looking moles coming out of her nose!). The "interview" went well, but ultimately tootsie decided she would take me up on that offer to spend $1500 going out to fabulous restaurants and bars and meeting men! At a minimum, she was going to get a cabana boy on our upcoming cruise. Furthermore, she also realized that I was right and that you have to consider the other desperate fools out there who would spend this kind of money on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Since that interview, she has learned the concept of human vulture. These people have called her multiple times and are refusing to take no for an answer. Even after she has told them that she is dating someone and that, in fact, they are now engaged (by the way, this is completely made up!) they still won't leave her alone.

So let me reiterate........my advice to you and now Tootsie's advice to you is this:


Pick up a man at a bar, have a one night stand, and then move on. At least it's free!