Balance in Life

Sometimes, when I am wandering aimlessly in a bookstore, I come across a real gem of a book. Usually, I must confess, this happens when I am drawn in by the pretty cover and then realize the subject of the book. That's what happened this weekend in San Francisco while Robin and I were out shopping. I discovered Eat, Pray, Love by Melissa Gilbert.

Eat, pray, love...what is there not to like about that title? Isn't that basically everyone's most primitive needs.....kind of like food, clothing, and shelter? So the book is about one woman's spiritual journey after leaving her marriage and then finding herself in a troubled relationship. She takes off on a voyage around the world. It is first off to Rome to experience the pleasure of the Italian culture and cuisine (and to learn Italian). For some reason I relate to her eating gelato 4 times a day just because she can! Then it is off to India to spend time at the ashram of her guru where she painfully learns the true practice of meditation (where you are able to ignore the inner dialogue in your head!). And finally to Indonesia to discover the balance in her life (just about to start that chapter). What she discovers on her journey is both simple and profound - from discovering who she really is to reaching a place of inner happiness. I'll comment more on this when I finish the last section.

The book resonated deeply with me. From her pluralistic views on religion which echo my own, and the failures in life that she keeps beating herself up about, to going from the utmost of highs then crawling out of the depths of despair, I feel as if I could have written a similar story. I couldn't help but reflect on my own journey - that long, bumpy, twisting, complete with many potholes, road that I have been on in the last decade (gosh, I cannot believe it has been that long!). Here are my "chapter" synopses:

Chapter 1: There have been a few guys who have come and gone, specifically one who broke my heart (but, let me add... did it in the most honorable of ways) while others who were nothing but toxic. There have been joys and heartaches. There have been strange people that have entered my life at seemingly just the perfect time, and other that have left leaving me to wonder why. Finally, I met Robin - who is able to even out those mountains and valleys and who, despite an unwillingness to commit to anything beyond the next 24 hrs which is a constant source of contention, I can't help but love.

Chapter 2: I have had my own "guru" of sorts, though guru is not really the correct terminology to use. I discovered by chance Sufism in college and immediately fell in love with its people, its stories and most importantly its basis of love. If you don't know about Sufism, do a Google search for Rumi. In that discovery, I met Sherif Baba, who taught me more about love and humanity in the few years that I was his student, than I had learned in all my previous years. I have ventured off and on that course for the last few years, but seem to always know how to pull out The Essential Rumi and randomly select a page and a quote for guidance (a little trick taught to me by the translator). Someday, I'll reconnect with Baba, and hopefully travel through Turkey spending time with other Sufi sheikhs and visiting the shrine of Rumi. I'm already planning a spiritual getaway in September.

Chapter 3: Yet to be determined. So many questions up in the air right now. Where will I practice medicine? Will in be in Dallas or somewhere on the East Coast? Or, will I retire before I even began and go sailing with Robin to far away places? What will happen between Robin and I? Does my path lead me to a life complete with marriage and children or do I follow a more solitary life? I worry a lot about the future....always wanting to know what the next 5 or 10 years holds for me. But, there is a side of me that submits to the unknown, ready to face what god brings. Insha'Allah (god-willing), I'll find balance in my life too.

Oh soul,

you worry too much.

You have seen your own strength.

You have seen your own beauty.

You have seen your golden wings.

Of anything less,why do you worry?

You are in truth

the soul, of the soul, of the soul.”

---Rumi